Irish Man Ostracised For Not Drinking Tea

A TENSE scene unfolded in the staff kitchen of O’Malley’s Office Supplies in Waterford today as Antony Maher made a shocking confession to his co-workers.

The 24-year-old had been enjoying his first few months of employment and felt confident enough to share a deep and dark secret.

Antony, visibly sweating, waited for a break in conversation. When that break didn’t come he had no option but to talk over a co-worker in the hope his admission would be lost in the convivial co-workers’ banter.

“Don’t really like the tea myself now to be honest,” uttered Maher instantly regretting it. After the dropping of a plate and a large scream let out by Deirdre the kitchen fell silent.

Rob, who up to this point, had formed an enduring bond with ‘Anto’ was the first to speak after the stunning confession.

“What the fuck do you mean you don’t ‘like’ tea? Do you mean ‘I don’t like it, I actually love it’?” Antony’s response further shocked the room resulting in Deirdre fainting, “no I just never got into it you know?” he said.

It was at this point Antony’s boss Frank O’Malley entered the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about.

Frank became incandescent with rage as Rob relayed the details of Antony’s brazen admission.

“Not even an earl grey now and again…and to think you call yourself an Irishman. You might as well shit on DeValera’s grave you little bollocks! Actually, there’s an idea. Nice trip up to Dublin. Glasnevin cemetery, I hear the tour is only brilliant.

“Get you in there and you can drop the trousers and let the Nation know exactly what you think of the sacrifices made in 1916, the war dead, our traditions and institutions. You’re an awful bollocks Antony, an awful anti-Irish bollocks,” Frank concluded.

Anthony was then given a good thumping, his P45 and a list of tea blends he should look into.

It is estimated 1 Irish person in every 100,000 is ‘anti-tea’ resulting in excommunication from conventional Irish society.