Catholic Church Announces It’s Gay



THE VATICAN announced today that the Catholic church is gay and its decision to ‘come out of the closet’ is set to take the religious world by storm.

Speaking from Rome today, Pope Francis said the decision to reveal the churches homosexuality was a hard one, and didn’t just come over night.

“We have been very nervous about coming out for years.” said the pope. “The church has always been gay, and we were worried about what others might think or say about us. When you are perceived as straight for such a long time, its hard to convince people otherwise.”

He goes on to explain that he feels that the churches silence has kept the Vatican from helping its followers, and agreed with fellow cardinals and bishops that today would be a great day to come out as gay.

“I suppose our main worry was telling our father, who arts in heaven.” admitted the pontiff. “He seems to be alright with it though. I mean, he hasn’t said anything back about it.”

Religious experts believe a knock on effect to other religions is likely, and that the new revelation may be a ingenious tactic orchestrated by the church to redeem itself.

“This really puts the ball into the Muslim faiths court.” said religious historian and author, Dan Brown. “We are looking at a very clever game play by the Vatican here.”

Vatican officials have denied the decision to come out was purely political, and defended their status, stating: “We choose not to marry because we don’t actually like the opposite sex.”

Meanwhile followers here at home said the news didn’t come as a surprise, and praised the churches bravery.

“I think we all knew the church was gay.” said pensioner, Peggy Farrell. “All that young boy stuff was a dead give away.”