“We’ve Made All The Money We Can From The M50” Transport Infrastructure Ireland

TRANSPORT Infrastructure Ireland has confirmed it has monetised the M50 ‘as much as humanly possible’ and admits there is nothing more it can do about the daily gridlock without harming profits.

“If we start reducing traffic then our margins go down – we’re at peak profit per suffering ratio,” a source at TII explained. “We looked at building another M50 on top of the current M50, called the M100, a kind of double-decker M50 situation, but it just wasn’t feasible. The only real option is to triple the tolls and pretend it’s to deter people from using it.”

Last year TII collected €212 million in toll income from the M50, a 12% increase from 2023, and hopes to grow that profit again this year after raising fees yet again.

“Sure it owes us nothing at this stage and has become a lovely revenue stream,” the source added, referring to the cost of building the now dated and permanently congested glorified car park. “It’s our Great Wall of Dublin. At night, you can literally see it from space.”

Dubbed the ‘Ring of Ire’ by long-suffering commuters, on 26 June alone some 187,284 vehicles travelled between Junction 6 Blanchardstown and Junction 5 Finglas.

“At an average of 3.50 per vehicle, that works out at roughly €650k in a single day, so you can understand why it’s in our interest to keep things exactly as they are,” the source continued, before calling on the public to do their jobs for them. “Now, we are 100% open to any suggestions that will make us more money”.

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