Nation Doesn’t Have Attention Span If MEP Election Count Drags On Any Longer


INITIALLY COMPLETELY rapt by the excitement that comes with following an election, the Irish nation has confirmed that its interest has all but dwindled to nothing now it has become clear to them the identities of Ireland’s MEPs will take much of the week to emerge.

“On the 7th, I believed my vote could make a difference in the EU in respect to climate change, Gaza, Ukraine and inequality, but now? I’m not arsed with having to keep checking in on the count to see what’s going. ‘Might have a result by the end of the week’? Ah c’mon, Love Island can 10 public votes done in that time,” confirmed one voter.

Once bristling with a mix of pride and expectation at having participated in the democratic process, the nation has now confirmed to vote counters for the three MEP constituencies that ‘you’re asking a lot’ for them to still care a full week later.

“I’ve me life to be getting on with, I can’t commit to be interested in this a week from now. Sure there’s the Euros starting and a new season of The Boys,” confirmed another voter.

While the elections had provided fuel for a number of bitter and impassioned rows among family, friends and strangers in the pub in the lead up to voting day, that passion many voters had has been extinguished by the knowledge that to learn the identify of their representative would require paying attention to the news for more than one evening.

“They’re saying this Friday is it? Ah jaysus by then I won’t remember who I voted for at all. What was it for again? The French lad Macroni, no? I don’t know why we bother with this democracy shite if it can’t give me the instant gratification my Tiktok feed does,” confirmed another voter, who was unaware he had spoiled his vote by writing ‘not this gobshite anyway hahaha’ on his ballot.