Masochists Express Concern For Irish Electorate


A GROUP of people who derive sexual gratification from their own pain and humiliation have expressed their concern for the Irish people following a strong showing from Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael in the local elections.

“Hey no judgement, a kink is a kin but there is such a thing as too much nipple clamps,” advised one masochist as they saw council seat after council seat filled by the very parties who have mismanaged housing budgets at council level.

“Are you guys okay? I feel like you didn’t get enough hugs as children,” offered another masochist while hung upside from a ceiling, secured by a nail hammered directly into his bollocks.

Noting that indulging in your desire to feel pain and be turned out on by that if perfectly acceptable and should not be stigmatised, masochists pointed out that they only do it in their spare time and in the bedroom rather than offering sadists the chance to carry out the pain and humiliation 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

“There’s got to be a less destructive and personally damaging way to get your kicks,” concluded another masochist, whose arse had seen more paddling than an Olympic swimming pool.

Elsewhere, Fianna Fáil and Fine Geal reacted to local election results which has seen them avoid the sort of spanking that makes a masochist go weak at the knees.

“We hear you loud and clear from these results, you think we’re doing a fantastic job and you want us to continue our good work in housing, health and beyond,” confirmed Taoiseach Simon Harris and Tánaiste Micheál Martin.