8 Years & €2.2bn Later Tánaiste Has Sneaking Suspicion Children’s Hospital Builder Ripping Off Taxpayer


DRIVING himself to the brink of insanity at merely entertaining such a deranged thought so untethered to the reality all right-minded people share, Tánaiste Micheál Martin spoke in the Dáil of the fact he can’t help but think that BAM, the contractors tasked with delivering the national children’s hospital in 2020 and for €600mn, might be taking the mick out of Micheál.

“No, now I’ve said it out loud it’s mad, isn’t it? A contractor purposefully underbidding on a state contract and then developing an ‘unforeseen delays’ and ‘cost overrun’ addiction, I was brought up better than to say such horribly mean things, I retract my remarks Ceann Comhairle,” a disappointed-in-himself Martin said, to loud shocked gasps from the gallery.

“But no wait, you hate to be even thinking such things, God I’m awful amn’t I? To think the worst in people like this but I can’t shake the feeling I’m seeing something no one else has thought to think, such an accusation would come out of nowhere and shock the nation,” added the Fianna Fáil leader on his feet again, clearly left anguished by wrestling with his suspicions.

Now trying to hide inside the suit jacket, a cowering Tánaiste was overwhelmed by a wave of self-consciousness that crashed over him, as he felt everyone staring at him and sniggering at his remarks, which were the stuff of lunatic conspiracy theories.

“How dare he say such things, a full fours years too late as well,” said angry taxpayers who immediately gathered outside Leinster House to defend BAM against ludicrous accusations that the Irish taxpayer had somehow been ripped off and milked dryer than the last dairy cow in the Sahara.