12 Gardaí Left In Country After Australian Police Force Recruitment Drive

FOLLOWING a recruitment effort on Irish soil by the Australian police force Ireland has woken up to the news today that there are only 12 remaining gardaí on active duty across the country.

“I didn’t even get to explain about the 38-hour week, the €57k wage, they all just swarmed me and asked where the plane to Australia was,” said an Australian police officer in Ireland as part of the recruitment drive.

“It’s actually only 3 active duty guards when you take into account the 5 guards who are listed as on a career break by senior gardaí to disguise the fact they’ve quit, then there’s the one lad suspended from duty for giving a bike to a pensioner and then the other two are up in court for something silly like kidnapping,” explained one garda representative.

Australian police have said it won’t all be plain sailing as there are some differences when it comes to policing down under.

“Someone of these fellas talk like their throats are clogged with Marmite. At basic training, I tried to teach one of them how to say ‘throw another shrimp on the barbie’ and throw and shrimp somehow had 47 syllables, 8 of which I’d never heard before in my life,” shared one Aussie cop.

“We’ve also factored into our recruitment drive the fact that guns are standard issue here in Oz and at least 100 of these guys are going to shoot themselves in the foot on a weekly basis”.

UPDATE: Bike thefts in Australia have increased by 5000% since Irish guards made landfall while response times are now averaging roughly ‘we’ll get there when we get there’.

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