Coalition Asks British Government If There’s Any Spare Room On Their Rwanda Flights


NOT FULLY satisfied they’re creating a hostile enough environment for arriving asylum seekers, the Irish government have asked their British peers if there’s any spare seats on their planes to Rwanda.

“We jailed an asylum seeker from Syria for not arriving with a passport, we’ve suspended all emergency accommodation from asylums seekers, we thought we were being as hostile and inhumane as possible with Direct Provision but they’re still arriving, so maybe you could give us a dig out,” the coalition asked in a 1am WhatsApp to Rishi Sunak as his government attempt to push their Rwanda plan through the Houses of Parliament.

“Sure, you already mind our airspace for us, why not just add this one other little thing,” the coalition followed up in a second WhatsApp at 7am after the first message went unread and unanswered.

While it has been pointed out in the past the government could better resource agencies to enforce deportation orders and speed up the application processing so worthy applicants are not in limbo for eight years, they have pointed out it much more cost effective to just let 1,000 people freeze on the street instead, as a warning to others fleeing to Ireland from possible persecution and war.

“We’re in breach of various articles of the European Convention on Human Rights, but we’re afraid we’re not being hostile enough. Even if you could give us, like, tips and pointers? How are the floating boat jails working out for you guys, if they’re generating enough money for private businesses we might be interested in something similar,” added the coalition in a further voice note, which had three earlier versions deleted from the chat for not sounding desperate enough.