Personal Trainer Knows Full Well Unfit Mess Only Going To Be Here For 3 Sessions Max

DESPITE the determined look on local man Ian Heaney’s face and his forceful declaration that after letting himself go this year will definitely be different, personal trainer Pete Traynor isn’t letting himself get too invested.

“Ah bless him, he has a head on him like a burst tomato there attempting the weights but I’m not getting attached, I’ve been burned before,” explained Traynor, who treats every disappearing client like a heartbreaking ghosting on a dating app.

“It’s not the leaving I mind, it’s all the smooth talking and charming me they do that hurts,” added Traynor as Heaney talked a big game about locking in every Monday, Wednesday, Friday evening for hour-long sessions for the next 3 months minimum.

Heaney, currently feeling dizzy after being made lightly jog on a treadmill for 17 seconds, has in Traynor’s esteemed opinion, all the hallmarks of someone who give it everything he’s got for four minutes before conveniently forgetting where the gym is located.

“Snakes, the lot of them. You’re too good for them Pete,” a colleague told Traynor as he waved off Heaney who is as likely to return as Jesus Christ himself.

Meanwhile, Heaney has made the mistake of telling everyone he knows that he has joined the gym making his ultimate abandonment of it all the more shameful an guilt-ridden.