Naive Fool Thinks Heading Into Town On New Year’s Eve Will Be Fun


A NAIVE fool who was evidently born yesterday is firmly of the belief that it is possible to have a great night out on New Year’s Eve, WWN understands.

25-year-old Caoimhe Callan is insisting to her friends that they should resist the urge to attend a hassle free gaff party in favour of heading into town, a decision which has drawn criticism from some circles.

“Are you fucking insane?” an emergency meeting of a leading coalition of night-out veterans from Ireland asked Callan.

“People are going to arrive late to the pre-drinks which have been timed for earlier than normal to avoid heading into town late, which you’ll all do anyway, thus putting pressure on finding a good spot that isn’t already packed, then when you fail to do that, Jen’s boyfriend Liam will all be like ‘come to Trippyz, there’s load of room’ but then Leah won’t get in ‘cus the bouncer thinks she’s under 23, even though she has ID, so now you’re all split up and it’s already 11.13pm,” said one New Year’s Eve veteran, outlining her Powerpoint presentation without pausing for a breath.

“Do you want to ring in 2024 down a lane way with that one dose mate no one likes and left you with, because that’s how shit like this happens,” added the coalition.

“New Year’s Eve is like a lion or tiger, turn your back on it or take your eye off it for a second and it’ll fuck you up”.

Despite ample warnings Callan has insisted on heading into town while unbeknownst to her, she will miss the countdown because she will be in the middle of reassuring a crying stranger she just met in the smoking area that she is a bad bitch and should stop ringing her ex right now.