10-Year-Old’s Comedown From Prime Preparing Him For Future Drug Use


PUMPING HIMSELF full of enough Prime to give a herd of elephants a collective heart attack, 10-year-old Cian Shotten is unwittingly helping himself prepare for any possible future drug use he may partake in.

“I feel like I could complete Fortnite and Minecraft at the same time!” screamed Cian, somehow finding the required velocity to run vertically up the walls much to the dismay of his mother Carol.

The bitter, sudden gloom laden comedown that abruptly hit Cian like a train carrying 47,000 tonnes of industrial strength depression has been seen as a useful educational tool.

“Well at least he’ll be prepared for his rave days in college,” reasoned Carol, now running her fingers through her son’s hair and reassuring him that no, everyone doesn’t hate him and the government aren’t spying on him, he’s just coming down off Prime.

While concerns over the energy drink part owned by ‘Them Two YouTube Eejits’ have cited the fact that corpses have been known to reanimate after being fed a spoonful of Prime, GPs have suggested that there has been an overreaction by some parents.

“Just do what I do with my Prime drinking child and shoot them with a tranquiliser dart,” confirmed one GP, while a one local drug dealer said he would never let anyone put that filth in his body.