UN Discuss Existential Risk To Humanity If Beyoncé & Taylor Swift Fans Turn On Each Other


THE UN SECURITY Council called an emergency session in order to hear pleas from experts in the music industry and toxic online fandom as people continue to raise the alarm over ‘the clear path to obliteration humanity is on’ when it comes to the potential falling out.

“I’m pleading with the UN to act now, preemptive sanctions, dis-arming, whatever it takes. Both sides are too powerful, and what we know about radical extremists factions is that any perceived disagreement could trigger civil war like consequences” confirmed a representative from Human Rights Watch.

The ferocity with which the Beyhive and Swifties protect their beloved one true Gods is already well established but what isn’t is the potential reaction of the international community if one side was to obtain nuclear weapons.

“Swifties are infinitely more powerful than when they last felt a substantial threat – the 2009 VMAs when Kanye stormed the stage. Was something similar to happen today, they wouldn’t hesitate in taking action,” the UN heard from senior NATO sources, “there is no army in the world sufficiently resourced to respond if either party turns violent”.

The council heard all it could take to set alight a powder keg is one online comment taken out of context or one TikTok user deciding to ‘cancel’ either singer.

“I’m not saying Olivia Rodrigo stans or Adele wine moms wouldn’t be a factor in this. Or that the K-Pop weirdos wouldn’t have a part to play. And, oh God, who the gays row in behind once Lady Gaga tells them who to fight for but the main source of a flashpoint or nuclear violence will be the Beyhive and the Swifties,” a spokesperson for Amnesty International said.