“I’ll Root Out Cause Of Poor Policing Response To Far Right” Vows Defiant Root Cause

THE ROOT cause of inattentiveness and ineffectual leadership which led to An Garda Síochána’s inability to respond to the recent Dublin riot has pledged to root out the cause of the poor response.

“I promise to find out the identity of the man who said that a light touch, hands off form policing of Far Right elements and other criminality would be the best way to deal with them,” said Harris, “if I was him I’d resign my position”.

“I’m just relieved everyone has forgotten that just weeks ago I was proposing disbanding serious crime units as a solution to rank and file guards speaking out against my new rota which would leave less officers out on the streets to tackle wanton lawlessness I pretended didn’t exist,” added Harris, who maintains the force has all the inadequate resources it needs to inadequately police the capital.

Harris then changed his position on facial recognition technology after a colleague pointed out it could be used to identify the person who has led gardaí to believe that if they police forcefully they will be subjected to years of investigations and the threat of losing their jobs.

Elsewhere, Minister for Justice Helen McEntee has confirmed that it’s her intention to fast track facial recognition software to identify criminals who orchestrated the riot on social media apps in full view of the public.

“And I don’t see why I should resign for my shite performance when Stephen Donnelly and Darragh O’Brien are still in a job,” added a defiant McEntee.