Funeral Hears Granny Was Some Goer In Her Day

THE small Waterford village of Grangemartin gathered this morning to bid farewell to local woman Marian Brady, a grandmother to 14 children, who were all helped in their mourning by hearing what a passionate knob polisher their grandmother was back in the day.

In a loving eulogy her husband John spoke movingly of the fact that ‘there wasn’t a mickey within five miles she couldn’t draw from memory’ and that weeks would go by without John hearing from her when she ‘was off on one of sexcapades’.

“If it wasn’t a swingers party it was a couple of German tourists passing through town, and that’s not all they passed through if you catch my drift” John said of the 81-year-old, adding that his wife was the finest and most prolific pervert he had the pleasure of knowing, and that her skills were unmatched.

“She was more than a grandmother, a mother, a teacher – although she was proud of those things, she was also a demon in the sack”.

The warm sentiments relayed by her husband were then echoed by Marian’s former work colleagues, neighbours, bridge club members and random strangers who had the pleasure of experiencing her ferocious appetite for sex and drugs.

“Chem sex? Hadn’t heard of it until Marian was bored one night home alone and propositioned myself and my wife. That was the best night of my life,” confirmed neighbours Terry and Mary Langford, pointing out how strange her passing was as they only saw her naked in the bed last week.