World Leaders Really Enjoying Handshakes, Being Indifferent To Civilian Deaths


WITH A ground invasion by the Israeli army of Gaza imminent, world leaders have spoken of their regret that they weren’t able to squeeze in more photo opportunities in which they got to look very stern and serious.

“I like looking sombre yet steely and posing for a photo behind flags, and shaking hands always scratches that itch,” explained Ursula von der Leyen.

“The handshake thing, it’s so much more rewarding when there’s the palpable frisson in the air that only comes with shrugging your shoulders at impending civilian slaughter,” confirmed US president Joe Biden shortly after stressing the need to avoid civilian casualties while simultaneously boosting military aid to Israel.

Such was the adrenaline rush brought on by the sound of flashing cameras, leaders have all agreed ‘we should do this more often’.

“This bloodshed isn’t inevitable, it is avoidable, and I guess that’s what really does it for me. I never feel stronger than when I refuse to stand up for every innocent life and just vigorously shake hands with anyone, even Mohammed Bin Salman,” confirmed UK PM Rishi Sunak.

“Oh yes my Crown Prince, you look very serious, no one could look more serious than you. What a grip you had in that handshake! So strong! No one will be talking about how ludicrous it is that the man most famous for ordering the assassination of a journalist is calling for ‘calm’. No one!” added Mohammed Bin Salman’s PA.

Elsewhere, other leaders chose to pose and shake hands for reasons other than gentle consequence-free warnings against war crimes in Gaza.

“Hahaha, that’s the heat off us for a while,” confirmed Vladimir Putin to China’s Xi Jinping.