“Not Nice When People Steal Things, Is It?” British Museum Asked


“SEE, we told you it’s an awful experience,” confirmed dozens of nations in response to the revelations that the British Museum had close to 2,000 items stolen from its collection over a number of years.

“Feel a bit violated, do you? Hmm, wonder what that feels like, can’t relate” Greece sarcastically added while lamenting the fact it hadn’t been aware it could have smuggled the Elgin Marbles through the British Museum giftshop in a tote bag.

Containing more illicit goods than a police station evidence room, the British Museum is believed to be the largest active crime scene in the world which is why the sorrow at the news-making thefts has lead to calls for the definition of irony to be changed to a picture of the museum.

“Suppose you’ll be wanting some of the stolen items back? Probably mount a campaign, lobby politicians? Oh well, like you’ve said when nations have asked for priceless artifacts back ‘it was a long time ago’ so probably nothing for it but to get over it,” shared Egypt.

“Usually from our experience when you report something as stolen and ask for it back people just mock and insult you, our thoughts are with you are you are subjected to such ignorance,” confirmed Nigeria.

In stark contrast to when asylum seeking children go missing, Home Secretary Suella Braverman has demanded police actually investigate and track down the missing artifacts.