Sinn Féin Promise To Bring End To The Rain If Elected Into Government

SEEKING an easy way to further strengthen their poll numbers and carve out support in areas they haven’t fared well in, Sinn Féin have confirmed that the current government’s policy of just letting it rain non-stop would be abandoned once Sinn Féin swept to power.

“We’d swap climates with Greece or wherever for a week, we’d cap rainfall at 10mm a month. It’s madness, wetter than an otter’s pocket. There’s blue whales who consider these showers excessive,” confirmed a spokesperson for the party.

The government’s previous policy of storing all the nation’s rain in Galway has recently been abandoned in favour of what’s been referred to as Operation Drowned Rats which has seen the rain distributed evenly across 26 counties.

“If it’s ever excessively hot, we’ll sort that too. We pledge to get it hot but not too hot around the clock with a nice breeze, free 99s, the works” added a party spokesperson, losing the run of themselves.

Confirming they would do anything other than formulate coherent environment policies, Sinn Féin said that under their United Ireland plans the island would adopt a single climate, ending decades of Northern Ireland importing weather conditions from Britain.

Green Party leader Eamon Ryan responded to Sinn Féin outlandish pledge with a rival offer to voters which involved removing July from all upcoming years.