Tradesman Removes ‘No Job Too Small’ Slogan From Van


OVERWHELMED with lucrative contracts thanks to growth in the construction industry, local chippy Mark Fieldman went about the process of removing a now tired old tagline on his work van in the hopes of curbing the number of ‘shite jobs’ coming through on his phone.

“Okay, I’ll hold my hands up here and say ten years ago I would’ve taken the hand and all off a customer looking to get a small job done in their home, but right now I’m spread thinner than a sachet of butter in a direct provision centre here,” Fieldman explained, cancelling yet another call from a local number he recognised as ‘not worth me bollocks’.

Spending years without work post the economic crash of 2008, the 43-year-old claims there’s not enough hours in the day to do all his current workload, but not enough for him to hire on an apprentice to give him a hand.

“Fuck that, the next crash could happen anytime,” he defended, now searching for investment properties in Bulgaria on a property website before getting back to the task in hand of removing the old slogan.

“Hello? Is this Sign Of The Times, yeah? Listen, I need someone to remove a slogan off the van, any chance I could drop her in Wednesday?” he yelled down the phone, “no? what you mean you’re too busy? Sure, it will only take a few minutes to do,” he pleaded, before a dead tone echoed in his ear, “fuck ya anyway – no one will do nothing these days!”