Varadkar To Keep Taking ‘Which Succession Character Are You?’ Quiz Until He Gets Someone Other Than Kendall


“THIS CAN’T be right,” said Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, shouting at his phone for the umpteenth time as a Buzzfeed quiz unequivocally told him that, based on his quiz answers, he is Kendall Roy.

“If anything, I’m Gerri,” Varadkar said, frustrated to be closely matched in personality and character traits to arrogant, entitled, perma-fuck up who constantly fails to achieve anything of substance but still someone how manages to have a high opinion of himself.

Telling aides to cancel his day’s engagements, Varadkar couldn’t even bring himself to issue his hourly ‘but Sinn Féin’ tweets and statements, such was his desire to rectify the very clear error in Buzzfeed’s quiz algorithm.

“Find out if Mary Lou did the quiz, and so help me God, if she got Logan I’m going to scream,” added Varadkar refreshing the quiz and entering a different set of answers for a 12th consecutive time but to no avail.

Sensing the tension bursting forth from his coalition partner, Eamon Ryan attempted to deflate his frustration.

“It’s okay, Leo, I did the Peaky Blinders quiz there a while ago and I got Tommy Shelby. Talk about a nightmare, huh, embarrassing for me. Don’t get me started on the Sopranos one – as if I’m a Tony,” Ryan soothed.

Entering the room, Micheál Martin immediately sensed something was wrong.

“It can’t be the homeless figures that are bugging you because we’ve shown we don’t care. What is it? Are you spiralling again? Classic Kendall move,” said Martin, prompting Varadkar to take a walk by Dublin bay, sit down an a bench and stare onto the horizon for a while.