Shiv Roy Announced As New Twitter CEO

UPDATE: Shiv Roy, former WayStar Royco executive confirmed as person to succeed Elon Musk as Twitter CEO.

Pipping Elizabeth Holmes and Ed Norton’s girlfriend from American History X to the post, the 35-year-old scion of the Roy media empire was a surprise choice but will take charge in under six weeks.

“I’m stepping down to spend more time on my true business passion which is exploding rockets and cars, and not to forget killing monkeys with brain chips,” Musk said in his Twitter statement announcing Roy’s appointment.

“Making a woman clean up my mess is very on brand, isn’t it?” added Musk, who was just happy to find the woman who will be blamed for all the monumentally shortsighted and idiotic policy decisions he has made since spending $44bn on the social media company.

Ardent fans of Musk were said to be upset at the billionaire giving in the woke brain disease by appointing a woman, who in Roy’s case has previously worked for Democrat politicians in Washington including the hard-left woke Antifa-loving Gil Eavis who makes Bernie Sanders look like Henry Ford.

However, those fears were allayed when it was pointed out WayStar Royco had a high profile scandal involving the rape and sexual assault of staff on their cruise ships which also resulted in several deaths. It is also the parent company of right-wing cable network ATN, which is even a little too openly white supremacist for Tucker Carlson.

In the wake of the announcement Roy’s brother Roman Roy tweeted ‘#GirlBoss’.

UPDATE: Elon Musk has been forced to deny sending a female staff member blocks of his frozen blood.