“Everyone Is Super Mean & It Hurts My Feelings”

A RARE meteorological phenomenon was visible from Russia yesterday as the world’s biggest snowflake appeared in Moscow’s Red Square.

Complaining about how mean everyone has been about his illegal war and countless war crimes, the snowflake who also goes by the name Vladimir Putin told a crowd such targeted bullying hurt his feelings.

“No, I mean really, really hurt my feelings. This isn’t like targeted bombing of maternity hospitals, this is worse – bullying with actual words,” added Putin, as the Moscow symphony lined out to play a selection of songs using the world’s smallest violins.

Putin’s remarks were delivered at Russia’s annual Victory Day parade which commemorates the Soviet Union’s defeat of the sort of murderous and hateful machine Russia has become under his leadership.

Showing his nation’s military might, the parade featured one lone Soviet-era tank which Putin said should serve as a deterrent to NATO to think again before watching Putin invade a sovereign nation in an unprovoked attack that he will blame on NATO.

Elsewhere, the leader of the Wagner mercenary group Yevgeny Prigozhin, which has been working hard to raise Russia’s war crime count, has been informed by Kremlin officials that he will tragically fall from a high window after he criticised Russia’s military failures in Ukraine.