Kinahans Considering Coming Home After Seeing Mess Police Made Of Hutch Case


RUMOURS have been circulating since late yesterday evening that members of the Kinahan family are seriously considering returning home, feeling whatever arrests and charges they would be subjected too are no match for the DPP and the guard’s ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

“I do miss an auld 99 back home, haven’t had a decent chipper in ages, and what’s the worst that could happen? A few weeks in the dock before some judges absolutely roast the State’s star witness for having a story with more holes it in than a Swiss cheese factory. Be grand,” confirmed one Kinahan already booking a flight home.

Already growing out their beards and letting their hair grow long, the Kinahans are said to be looking forward to placing their on Irish soil once more to face a prosecution case put together by a bunch of transition year students on work experience.

“Hand cuffs made of jelly, I’d rather take my chances with the DPP than get collared by the FBI on me holliers here in Dubai,” added another, who was reassured by his legal team that even if the DPP had him banged to rights on unpaid parking tickets they would inexplicably instead charge him with planning 9/11.

“There was us actually shitting ourselves, and for what? If the Irish State fell into a barrel of tits it’d come up sucking its thumb”.

In response through a joint statement, the guards and the DPP admitted that despite watching The Usual Suspects for a 40th time they still have no idea as to who Keyser Soze is.