“It’s A Civil Matter” Gardaí Ignore Landlord Bulldozing House With Tenants In Situ

AS their screams slowly faded to muffles drowned out by the crumbling concrete and roar of his JCB, landlord Patrick White blissfully ignored all regulations and law pertaining to evictions while gardaí watched on in case the tenants somehow managed to retaliate.

“Our hands are tied here as it’s a civil matter,” local Garda Terry Holden told WWN as the landlord shoveled a mix of children’s toys and rubble where the family room was once located.

The forced eviction, one of dozens happening at any one time across the country today, came after the tenants, who rumour has it were foreign nationals, failed to leave the property after White gave them 30-day notice five minutes ago.

“That’s notice to quit,” White bellowed over the diesel engine digger, making sure this reporter phrased the act appropriately as stipulated by government advisors when addressing evictions in the media, “they said they have nowhere to move to, but that’s not my problem, so I had no other choice but to do it the good old fashioned way – I’m sure there’s plenty of room for them back in their own country!”

Ignoring the tenants calls for help like it was a 999 call, gardaí watched on as the family slowly climbed out of what remained of the house and reciting the phrase “it’s a civil matter” again before pointing out the amount of paperwork involved in such an intervention.

“Best focus our time on other things like someone smoking a joint, or a learner driver being unaccompanied, besides, the landlord seems to be renovating the place now anyway, so they haven’t a leg to stand on,” one garda pointed out, before heading off to double park on a double-yellow line outside a chipper for some lunch.