The Case For Taylor Swift Dating Me Next

THIS WEEK’S Pop Culture Corner sees WWN step away from regular proceedings to let local man Eanna Power make the case for why he should succeed Hollywood actor Joe Alwyn as Taylor’s Swift next beau:

“Howiya Taylor and all that, sound.

Here listen, we’d be fools not give this a go. Don’t be listening to anyone round here, I’m dead on. Don’t be listening to Carmel Sheedy, she was only on the one date with me, if she said I suggest riding with the empty packet of Taytos because we had no condoms she’s a liar.

Where was I? Sorry to hear about the fella, but it’s best behind ya, out with the old as they say. New day, new dawn, new me, new man, and that’s where I come in. Look it, I’ll stop waffling, listen to me here pouring my feckin heart like an eejit. This is what I can offer ya, no messing:

– You’d get some mileage out of me for your songs. Sure you’ve been treated poorly by some lads (here’s looking at you Jake Gyllenhaal) but I can guarantee you none of them piss the bed as much as me when I’ve had one too many. ‘Pissed the bed’, sure you can rhyme that with loads of stuff. Albums worth of material there.

– I’m not judging or nothing, but a quick scan of the room tells me you’ve dated pretty much everyone else – it’s only myself and Tom Macken down the road left, and he’s a widower of 80.

– Going lesbian is too obvious. If it’s some easy PR you’re after, swearing off men and shacking up with Cara De La Soul or whatever her name is – that’s too obvious. But an out of shape Irish lad whose technically between jobs, now that’ll shock people.

– I’m a gentleman in the traditional Irish sense, which is to say I’ll hold the door open for you, there’ll be no splitting the bill ‘cus the mother raised me right but I’ll also be completely unable to handle you texting a lad and will full on have a meltdown.

– We’re about the same height I’d say so there’d be know adjusting the driver’s seat if I was using your car, and we know how much of a pain that can be.

Well, I’ve said my piece. If you’re looking to respond to me directly the phone is on the blink on account of me not having one so just email me at [email protected] and we can arrange a date.