Trump Asks Lawyers If He’ll Be Allowed Poster Of Daughter In Prison

AHEAD of his perp walk and mugshot, former president, future felon Donald Trump has been peppering his lawyers with endless questions about what he can expect from prison life.

“It doesn’t have to be a bikini photo but it would help, would that count as contraband?” Trump asked his lawyers, showing them a selection of photos of his daughter Not Tiffany.

While the prospect of becoming a convicted criminal is daunting, it may have its opportunities with TV execs already pitching a prison set comeback of The Apprentice in which Trump judges rival prison gangs’ drug selling and shiv making prison business plans.

“No, you can’t make me, I’m too pretty they’ll eat me alive in there,” Trump was reportedly heard pleaded with his arresting officers while gripping the door frame of his Trump Tower apartment.

A confusing and emotionally troubling time for Trump’s youngest son Baron, he was comforted by his mother Melania who explained “it’s okay honey, Dad is just being arrested for lying about the hush he paid to a porn star he had an affair with when Mommy was in hospital giving birth to you”.

Elsewhere, in truly unedifying scenes many low-IQ individuals are reportedly finding the indictment of a racist, sexist and manifestly corrupt man very amusing indeed.