“It’s The ‘Sharing’ Part Of Power-sharing That Confuses Us” DUP Refuse Stormont Return

RULING out a return to Stormont power-sharing, an embarrassed DUP have reluctantly admitted that the whole concept ‘sharing’ is something that remains beyond their grasp, no matter the number of times people try to explain it to them.

“Sharing is great when you’re in charge and are the biggest party and get your way on everything all the time, but this other type of sharing where we’d have a Deputy First Minister, that sounds awful,” confirmed an DUP saysnoperson, “how you expect it to work when you approach it from the angle of not trying to keep the taigs down is beyond us”.

This news is a fresh blow to the public’s hope that their public representatives, with salaries paid for by the taxpayer, would get back to work and restart Stormont.

“To be fully honest, we’d absolutely be 100% invested in the power-sharing mechanisms provided we don’t ever come out the loser in a single policy decision. So, you can’t say we’re not accommodating – Sinn Féin, Alliance, SDLP we’re waiting by the phone,” added the saysnoperson, who disconnected the phone some four years ago.

In response to voters complaining that the DUP’s insistence at keeping Stormont idle continues to result in the further degradation of much needed public services such as hospitals, roads and social services among others, the DUP struck a conciliatory note.

“Yes, but if you think that’s bad imagine us having to say ‘First Minister Michelle O’Neill’ with our Unionist mouths, the horror,” concluded the saysnoperson.