Ha, Couple Thought They’d A Chance Of Getting House In Bidding War With Cuckoo Fund & State


DESPITE the news that cuckoo funds, local councils and State-back housing charities accounted for 24% of house purchases last year, a couple of first time buyers still thought they’d be in with a chance of going sale agreed on a home.

“Sure, when the estate came back for the 47th time and said someone else has come in and offered an improved bid, we were a bit dejected but we still have hope,” explained couple Eimear and John McMullane.

“We told the estate agent to let us know if a similar property comes along, he said he’s rooting for us,” offered John, who honestly believed this line.

With the likes of so-called cuckoo funds buying up homes at the highest rate since 2010, there have been calls for the government to intervene and put further measures in place.

“We are absolutely considering new steps,” explained Housing Minister Darragh O’Brien, “new steps such as telling first time buyers to stop being so gullible and naive and just accept renting for life”.

In addition to this reality check, estate agents will now erect additional signs alonside ‘For Sale’ signs which read ‘first time buyers would just be wasting their time’ with the hope young people get the hint.

“When a house is listed for an initial price of say 350,000 what that actually means is ‘yeah fucking right pal, an investment fund is buying this for 100,000 more’,” explained a friend of the McMullanes, who has previous experience in slowly having his soul eroded by the Irish property market.

“We just feel bad for nearly getting in the way of a local council signing a 25 year lease with a fund that will see them overpay for rent and then hand the house back to the investment fund at the end of it all,” confessed the McMullanes.