Landlords Advised To Stretch Before Marathon Eviction Session

LANDLORDS around the nation are being warned that they should get in shape ahead of the imminent expiry of the eviction ban currently in place in Ireland, as being ‘out of the game’ since the moratorium came in last year could lead to pulling a muscle.

As the March 31st date approaches and the government insist the ban didn’t work despite their own assertions it prevented 2,000 evictions, here’s what landlords need to be mindful of:

– Landlords are advised to undergo a strength and stamina training session, to allow them to handle the manual exertion that comes with turfing a family out on the street.

– On top of physical training, landlords have been issued a fact sheet on vocal warm-ups. “Yelling at the top of your lungs to get the fuck out of the house when you haven’t yelled in 6 months can cause damage to the vocal chords if they’re not properly prepared,” read the document, before listing some ‘fa-la-la’ style exercises.

– With the ban ending on the 31st of March, landlords have only a month to get their stories straight. What is it? Do you have a sister moving home from America, or have your kids reached college age so you need the apartment for them? Or some other excuse? Now is the time to get this kind of thing finalised.

Most importantly, landlords are being informed that they shouldn’t expect to get everything right the first time, as an extended break from the art of eviction will have left them rusty.

“You can’t expect to come back after 6 months and be as good as you used to be. But relax, if you evict someone and they have a legitimate grievance against you, it’s not like they’ll have the money to drag you to court after years of you overcharging for a one-bed,” they were told.