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A LOCAL TD who is always ‘delighted’ to ‘announce’ the news of companies creating jobs in his constituency like it was all his doing has been strangely silent on a raft of recent job losses, WWN can confirm.
“Well, eh, a, em, a number of factors at play, international factors, factoring in factors in a factorly fashion makes this a tough blow,” confirmed TD Ciaran Gafflegan, careful not to pinpoint any specific contributing measures made by the government.
Always at the ready with a scissors, smile, red ribbon and freshly pressed suit when there’s jobs to take credit for, Gafflegan has been uncharacteristically hard to find when contacted by newly let go workers looking for his support.
A man who would crawl penis first over eight miles of broken glass placed on a bed of bleach to announce one part-time position in a petrol station, Gafflegan can confirm that a public meeting called in the wake of a number of companies announcing redundancies clashes with his previous engagement of ‘not taking the blame for any of this’.
“Unfortunately, I have prearranged commitments at the same time as any and all scenarios in which I will be made answer questions I don’t like,” confirmed Gafflegan, who said if anyone would like to hear from him they can read his pre-approved copy and pasted social media posts written by his party.
“We’re at record unemployment, a lot done a lot more to do” Gafflegan said in a tweet pre-approved by his party, which will be of comfort to his newly unemployed constituents.
