Man Rushed To Hospital With Cracked Skull After Attempting Dive In New Dún Laoghaire Baths


THE opening of the newly-refurbished Dún Laoghaire Baths has been marred by tragedy, after one local ended up in A&E after making the foolish assumption that the venue had some sort of swimming facility.

“The man came running in wearing his togs and shouted ‘yup yup 7up’ before diving into where he assumed there would be water, only to find that these are baths in spirit only,” explained one Dún Laoghaire native as the sirens blazed off in the distance.

“You see, the baths are more of a concrete pavilion kind of thing, with a little coffee shop and some artists space or whatever. When we say we facilitate swimming, we mean you can see the sea from here. But there’s no actual sea bath here in the place called Dún Laoghaire baths. Now that you mention it, I’m wondering where the 18 million euro it cost to refurbish this place went to”.

Critics of the space were quickly shut down by Dún Laoghaire advocates, who stress that while the area really is just a bare concrete space, it it a bare concrete space in south county Dublin so therefore it’s very worthwhile.

“They literally added more land to South Dublin, so how anyone can claim that isn’t money well spent is beyond me,” said one man we spoke to.

“It’s literally the same as all you boggers getting excited when a pothole gets filled in. Well what bigger pothole is there than the sea? This investment has pretty much guaranteed Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil my vote for life”.