Woman Desperately Cramming ‘Cool People Music’ In Bid To Rescue Impending Spotify Wrapped Disaster


“SHITTY fecking Christ on a pedalo!” panicked local music hipster Grainne Folan as it dawned on her that Spotify’s annual ‘Wrapped’ end of year summary of users’ listening habits was nearly upon the world but she has spent the majority of the year listening to chart hits.

A chance for many people to showcase how unique, refined and cool their listening habits are, Wrapped is something Folan likes to use to score cool points online among friends who honestly couldn’t care less but such a scenario is seriously in danger this year.

“Oh God I went too hard on Adele and Dermot Kennedy, my list doesn’t even have ‘ironic’ listening entries from 90s and 00s pop that show I’m not a music snob despite the fact I totally want to pretend to be one, the balance is all off” said Folan as she began playing King Krule, Black Flag, Thundercat and Weyes Blood from her phone’s Spotify app on repeat while setting up Sonic Youth, Beastie Boys, Arlo Parks and Self Esteem on her laptop.

Enlisting the help of her work laptop, Folan sought to turnaround a year of listening to some of the most basic bitch popular music known to humankind for fear her reputation as a ‘tastemaker’ would be left in tatters were her Spotify Wrapped to display ‘you listened to 40 years worth of Ed Sheeran this year’.

“It’s okay, don’t panic Grainne you can just line up playlists of whatever Pitchfork says is cool and play them at zero volume while you sleep,” reasoned a sweating Folan, who had no idea Pitchfork isn’t even cool anymore.