Varadkar Has Big Cork Board Covered In Red Thread Linking Regency Hotel To Mary Lou McDonald

IT’S taken six years and exhausted every spare minute he’s had, but Táiniste Leo Varadkar claims he’s this close to finally nailing those Sinn Fein bastards for the Regency Hotel shooting in 2016.

“Woah, you don’t want to go in there,” a Fine Gael aide told us as we approached Varadkar’s office today, as sounds of filing cabinets being overturned and paper being torn up echoed down the halls.

“Leo’s been under a lot of pressure with The Monk about to take the stand for his involvement with the murder of David Byrne. He’s worried that the blame for the killing will rest with the Hutch gang, and not the real culprits. You know, the Shinners”.

“Leo’s got Mary Lou right in the middle of his evidence board, and he’s one string of red wool away from linking her directly to Johnathan Dowdall. Dowdall was a SF councillor, he’s pleaded guilty to his involvement in the murder, Leo is agonisingly close to tying this whole thing together. And then once he has proof that Sinn Fein may have the odd criminal or two in their ranks, it’s over for them. FF/FG all the way, to the end of time”.

Our source refused to be drawn on whether or not Varadkar’s obsession had limited his ability to help run the country over the last 6 years, before being called away as the Táiniste needed another box of drawing pins and a new ball of wool in a different colour.