Charles To Forego Lavish Coronation Ceremony, Insists Money For Event Donated To Poor


WHILE his coronation may be several months away, Palace sources have already confirmed Britain’s new monarch has insisted a lavish, expensive and large-scale event can’t possibly be entertained at a time of great suffering in his country.

“Just think how it will look; millions upon millions spent on a coronation, costly military processions, air force fly overs, road and business closures to facilitate it, all while families struggle to pay bills amid a cost-of-living crisis. You just can’t see the royal family being that indifferent and out of touch,” confirmed one Palace official.

“A 73-year-old throwing a big ‘yay me’ party. Processions of gilded carriages and countless lords in antiquated costumes, partaking in offensive displays of wealth and endless banquets? Such costly and opulent celebrating his ascension to the throne would be unconscionable. Bravo to Charles for making this decision, which he did because how offensive would it be to rub it in the plebs noses like that?” confirmed one royal insider.

With the budget for the coronation now earmarked for those most affected by Britain’s ever widening gap between rich and poor, such a gesture has been met warmly by the British public.

“That’s nice, and did you say he’ll also be handing over the €500 million he’ll inherit from his mother? No? Oh okay. What about the roughly €25 billion in land holdings and assets? No, none of that either. Hmmm, right,” said one overjoyed peasant marvelling at the new King’s decision, which has definitely been made.