Giant Weather Dick Heading Straight For Ireland


MET Éireann have issued an orange weather warning for the southwest of the country after satellite imagery revealed a big wet weather mickey moving swiftly across the Atlantic towards us.

“It’s a real throbber guys, better get yourselves all limbered up for this one,” read an official statement from meteorologists, before going on to warn of how wet this weather phenomenon would make us all.

Meanwhile, other weather agencies have agreed to refer to the storm by its proper name, Hurricane Danielle, prompting a review of how these things are reported from now on, with Met Éireann arguing that using gross sexual imagery is ‘just more fun’.

“How about instead of ‘hurricane’, we say ‘tropical titty twister’,” said one scientist during a specially-convened meeting on the subject.

“Fanny flooders. Ballsacks of moisture. Come on guys, you know how everyone remembers ‘the beast from the east’ but nobody remembers ‘status read warning tropical storm Alpha 9’? That’s branding, people. Storms are dreadful things but we can still be cool when naming them, honestly”.

Whether you wish to refer to is as Hurricane Danielle or ‘the gusher’, the weather condition is set to penetrate Ireland in the early hours of Friday.