Back To School Dread Helps Students Prepare For Living Hell Of 9-To-5 Job: Report

FAR FROM seeking to find ways to ease the intense anxiety and dread many students feel about the return to school, a new report suggests we should maximise the disturbing feeling in a bid to prepare children for an unfulfilling life of 9-to-5.

“A child that breezes through school and looks forward to its return is completely ill-equipped for the soul shredding tedium and torture that is an office job, life in general” explained education expert Susan Ward.

“Those ‘please don’t make me go’, ‘I’m sick listen, cough cough’ tantrums that you have as an adult couldn’t be possible without that essential foundation provided by a childhood of wanting the world to open up and swallow you whole on the first day back at school after the summer holidays,” added Ward.

Schools, like workplaces, are in the main sterile environments that demand you sit still for hours on end in uncomfortable clothes while completely discarding the very concept of joy and subjecting yourself to monotonous drudgery, something Ward insists is a good thing.

“This sort of preparation will help you surrender your hope more easily, if anything my research indicates we should increase school breaks and mid-term if only to increase the number of times children have to face that agonising dread that comes with starting back”.