Ah Shit, Your Pal Bought A House Before You Did


BEING trapped in the rental market (or worse: still living at home) can be tough, but at least you’re in the same boat as a lot of your friends, right? That’s until one of the sneaky gits actually manages to buy a house! What do you do now?

1) Congratulate them through gritted teeth

It’s great news that your friend has achieved their dream! The only problem is, it was your dream too, and you’re nowhere close. But try not to let that come through when you’re congratulating them, and asking them where the house is, when do they get the keys, what broker did they go through and how the fuck they managed to save a deposit when you know they’re out on the bag every weekend, and they make less money than you. Okay maybe not that last part.

2) Brace yourself for what your parents will say 

Worse case scenario, your parents know your friend and news of the house purchase reaches them. Now you’re faced with having to sit through at least a year of passive-aggressive ‘oh how are they getting on in their new house?’ conversation every time you go visit your folks.

Remember, every time your parents say ‘isn’t it great they bought a house’, what they’re actually saying is ‘why can’t you buy a house’.

Try not to let this boil into a discussion about how your parents spent their entire lives voting for the political parties that have more or less ensured you’ll never own your own house. You only get one chance in life to fire that pistol, so save it until it counts!

3) Keep soullessly browsing property sites every day, watching prices soar beyond affordability and supply dwindle to a trickle

It’s important to know when you’re beaten, but until then you can live in a reasonably happy delusion about your future in Ireland.

You never know, you might log onto Daft some day and there’ll be a house in your price range, more or less where you’d like to live. Maybe a new development will be built in your area and the developers will say hey, for shits and giggles let’s not sell this off the plans to an investment fund.

Maybe you’ll win the Lotto. Maybe someone with a house will die and leave it to you. Either way, when you visit your friends who have houses of their own, just remember these words; ‘I love what you’ve done with the place’. Say that when you walk in the door and then just change the subject.