Office Workers Eased Back In With News Of Parking Prices Increase In Dublin


IN A BID to help returning office workers adjust to the fact that the world only exists to chip away at their resolve and happiness, Dublin City Council has confirm that the majority of on street parking is to rise by 10%.

“Two hours stuck in traffic and now I’ll be paying through the nose, it’s awful, it’s soul crushing, it’s taking a sledgehammer to my bank balance but it’s still not bad enough for me to risk it on the Red Line Luas,” confirmed one office worker.

Employers, who believe workers will be infinitely happier if they can return to packed, poorly ventilated buildings after an hour stuck in traffic, have said they’ve looked into it but there’s sadly no way they can subsidise their parking costs.

“You can of course avail of one of our 10 parking spaces we have here at the office,” confirmed a HR circular which neglected to mention that employees would be demoted if they even tried to take one of the spaces which, as part of an unspoken rule, are reserved for senior management.

On street parking cost increases are just one of the many ways workers are being eased back, with no one wanting the return to feel like a severe case of whiplash.

“Sandwiches in the cheap cafe across the way are now €12 and no longer come with a free drink of your choice, we’ve had 18 months to improve ventilation but we’re just going to leave a few windows open instead, and Sandra in accounts is after splitting up with the husband so you all have to go for drinks with her after work,” added HR.

Responding to the news it has raised parking charges, DCC has confirmed you don’t all have thank them at once for magically reducing car traffic in Dublin City and solving climate change.