Solid Argument To Be Made For Just Wrapping Up The World In 20 Years, State Experts


SCIENTISTS speaking at a climate emergency summit have put forth a compelling argument for allowing the world to ‘burn out’ over the next two decades, after accepting that the challenge of saving the planet is ‘too much of a pain in the hole’.

Dubbed ‘Operation Here For A Good Time, Not A Long Time’, the plan would see all attempts to slow the rate of climate change abandoned in favour of a more relaxed, ‘enjoy the good weather’ approach, all of which will be powered by completely taking the brakes off any slowdown of coal-burning or rainforest management.

The paper also recommends that all humans stop breeding immediately so that everyone has time to chill out, and that nobody is in childhood in 2040 when the Earth eventually crumbles to a cinder.

“We’re never going to fix this shithole so we may as well just rock it ’till the wheels fall off” said Dr. Eric Von Bauren, swigging from a bottle of tequila to ‘get this party started right here’.

“Think of the peace there’ll be in the world if instead of waiting around and seeing which country nukes the other first, we just set a date and said ‘ok lads, let them all off at once’. Until then, drive around in a diesel car while smoking your lungs out, throw your rubbish wherever you want, don’t bother with recycling or any of that shit. Stop crying about the demise of the snow leopard. Just go nuts and on January the 1st, 2040, we pull the plug”.

While most of the world’s leaders have rubbished Dr. Von Bauren’s idea, few of them have done much to avoid the conclusion he outlines.