Kilkenny People Blamed For High Waterford Covid Cases


ROGUE Kilkenny contaminators crossing the Waterford border to infect residents have been warned to stop trying to ruin the county’s reputation for being the best in terms of vaccine uptake, with the mayor calling for an outright ban on cats.

The proposal comes after Waterford County was found to be three times the national virus incidence rate despite it being the highest vaccinated region in the country, inciting fears of foul play from its Kilkenny rivals.

“They’re always trying to fuck us,” vexed Mayor Mossey Tobin told WWN, now looking out of his office window at the river Suir for any signs of black and amber, “there’s no other explanation for it; it’s them conniving bastards coming over the bridge there and registering infections here”.

Once boasting the highest vaccination rate in the country, Waterford people have been left deflated today upon hearing the news, with many immediately blaming their neighbours.

“Those muck savages wouldn’t know a bar of soap if it washed them in the face,” one woman gave, “they stole our Ferrybank and now they’re trying to steal our Covid rep”.

Escalating tensions between the two counties have been ongoing since an attempted landgrab by Waterford in 2017, forcing both sides to agree a demilitarised zone in Ferrybank.

“We’re seeing more defectors from the Kilkenny regime spewing into Waterford,” Mayor Tobin stated, who oversaw the launch of 5 missiles into the Suir last May in a bid to warn off Kilkenny troops, “we’re open to talks but they need to stay on their side of the border and stop spreading Covid and trying to ruin us”.

In the past, Kilkenny has been blamed for Waterford’s poor hurling performances, the closure of Waterford crystal, the failure of the North Quays project, the county’s high rate of unemployment and Keith Barry.