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A COMBINATION of staff shortages, burnout, waiting lists and a rise in Covid cases and hospital admissions has seen Irish hospitals claim the top spot in Ireland’s annual scariest places for Halloween list.
Usually an accolade bestowed upon a haunted house where the Devil is alleged to have played cards, or an abandoned Church were the laughter of dolls inhabited by demons can be heard, this is the first time hospitals have claimed the hotly contested prize.
“It’s not before time too, could you imagine the horror? Needing essential treatment only to be greeted by overworked, haunted looking staff on the tail end of an 18 hour shift, walking around like zombies,” remarked one of the judges of the annual list.
“It’s the superior interactive element hospitals have that swung it for us. You’ve also got the external audio and visual elements such as politicians being interviewed and acting like it’s perfectly fine that Ireland’s ICU capacity is half the EU average or that shrieking string quartet that plays in your head when you see nightclubs packed. A thousand Stanley Kubrick psychological horror masterpieces couldn’t match that slow and crushing dread,” added another judge.
“If you’re looking to give your heart attack a heart attack, we can’t recommend getting yourselves into the ICU enough. Can’t beat overhearing relatives having conversations with doctors about how there’s no room. And unlike other horror-themed attractions, this is all free if you discount the €21bn tax bill. Amazing,” shared the head judge.
Elsewhere, a field with some pumpkins in it manned by a lad in a Scream mask who charges €50 for the privilege finished second in the annual list.
