Tramore No Swim Warning In Place After High Levels Of Dubs Found In Water

WATERFORD County Council are advising people not to swim in the sea in Tramore due to dangerously high levels of Dubs in the water, WWN has learned.

The public has been urged not to enter the water on the beach for the next three days until new samples are taken, and the threat has subsided.

“Dubs can cause nausea and vomiting upon contact, with even just the sound of their twang sending people into states of shock,” the council said in a statement. “If you think you’ve come into contact with a Dub in the sea, immediately turn your head the other way, put your fingers in your ears and repeatedly yell ‘na, na, na, na, na’ to protect your ears until you’re safely out of the water and at least 500 meters away from the Dub. Do not engage with the Dub as it may hook you into a dreadful conversation about Gaelic football, how cheap it is down here or they might start slagging ‘yer ma'”.

With temperatures soaring throughout the week, high levels of Dubs have contaminated Irish coastal towns with no end in sight amid some travel restrictions abroad due to ongoing covid-19 pandemic.

“The sooner these vermin can get on a plane and piss off to Spain, the better for places like Tramore and other hard-hit seaside resorts, the bastards are stealing our thunder,” said a man of war jellyfish, whose whole livelihood and reputation was undermined by the presence of Dubs in the water.