Waxers To Invest In Hedge Trimmers Ahead Of Reopening


FOLLOWING the announcement that hairdressers, barbers and salons are to reopen on the 10th of May, the government unveiled a new funding scheme aimed at helping the nation’s waxing technicians purchase hedge trimmers.

“It’s no good reopening and offering these services if they can’t cope with the post-lockdown demands of some customers,” confirmed Minister for Health and Hairdressers Stephen Donnelly.

Leading aestheticians and waxers have welcomed the enhanced supports and funding scheme.

“With everyone looking like Cousin It from the Addams Family, we obviously can’t use our pre-lockdown conventional methods, yeah of course a customer might want a Brazilian but first we’ve got to trim back the Amazon,” explained waxer and owner of Britney Shears Salon, Elaine Hughes.

‘Test events’ have been conducted, investigating if alternatives to hedge trimmers are more viable, however after pouring 500 litres of Nair hair removal cream into an Olympic sized swimming pool, several clients emerged remaining hairier than the shag carpet section of the Ikea website.

“I’ve a bush on me that looks like that Luke Kelly statue, always have and that’s fine by me but when we reopen our customers expect to be transformed back to their pre-lockdown selves. I can’t do that without the Flymo Easicut 460 Electric hedge trimmer or if that gives out after 6 hours of constant use, the Bosch 0600847A70 AHS 45-16 Electric hedge cutter with the 450 mm blade is your only man,” confirmed Hughes.

And it’s not only women rejoicing at the news, as a number of hairy men who have been mistakenly trapped in the gorilla enclosure of Dublin Zoo are now just weeks away from freedom.