“Old Football Injury” Confirms Man Who Slipped In Shower Mid Wank

“OH the limp? No, no, I’ve always had it. Old football injury,” insisted local man Mark Farrell under polite inquiry from concerned friends who couldn’t help but notice his constant grimacing amid the carrying out of basic bodily movements.

Attempting to make his off-the-cuff excuse, designed to mask the fact he slipped in the shower while violently pulling on his lad, seem more credible the paranoid Farrell began further embellishing the lie.

“John, I think you were playing the match too, remember against Varley Celtic or whatever they were called,” Farrell said, unaware he was now speaking in a rushed and manic fashion, not to dissimilar to the frantic wanking technique he employed in the shower this morning which landed him with the sore leg in the first place.

Quickly scanning his friends’ eyes for evidence they weren’t buying his lies, Farrell tried to calm himself with a reminder not to draw any attention to his right hand or crouch and to make no mention of bathing or showering.

“Mark I don’t think you played that game, you sure it was then?,” offered John, sparking fears in Farrell that he was now under suspicion and it was only a matter of time before he was unmasked a clumsy shower wanker.

“And now I know I’m not famous for my concentration but I would have sworn you weren’t walking like that last week when I saw you last,” added John, who through Farrell’s paranoid eyes had transformed into a detective with the deductive abilities of Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes.

Haunted by vivid flashbacks to his wanking-related slippage, Farrell felt the walls slowly closing in around him.

“Ha, what are you saying John that I slipped in the shower while wanking or something? Don’t be so ridiculous,” offered Farrell, the fucking eejit.