That’s Only That Useless Light Snow, Confirms Local Man

FEARS that a second ‘beast from the east’ is about to wreak havoc on the nation have been dismissed by Waterford man Kenneth Rennick, who has announced that the snow which has fallen so far is ‘only that little ball snow, way too light to do anything with’.

The 43-year-old stay-at-home man went on to rubbish claims that the country is set for ‘widespread traffic disruption’, claiming that people will be grand if they ‘go a bit handier’, before nostalgically recalling the last true ‘big snow’ to hit the area.

“You’re probably too young to remember the big snow of 2010” mused Rennick, talking to our 33-year-old reporter.

“That was snow. This is nothing; it’s not lying properly, it’s not the kind of snow that you could make a snowball out of, it’s more of a white rain really. I saw some kids out on the green trying to make a snowman this morning and I went over to them and told them to catch themselves on. And then I kicked down what they had made to show it wasn’t structurally sound, before going over to another family who had brought out a sled and told them it was a pure waste of their money”.

Standing in an ever-growing blizzard, Kenneth Rennick continued to assert that the increasingly-blinding snow was ‘just sleet’ while slowly turning blue, prompting a passer-by to attempt to give him a warm scarf.

“I don’t need it” chattered Rennick. “It’s n-n-n-not even that cold”.

Rennick was last spotted standing in a three foot snow drift, ranting about how ‘this is nothing compared to what they get in America, I saw it on Facebook’.