15 Acceptable Reactions To Level 5 Being Extended Into March


DESPITE it being news the Irish public knew was coming because a) the government is addicted to leaking things to the media before they make official announcements and b) have you seen the hospitals, many are finding the news that Level 5 restrictions will remain in place until at the very least, March 5th.

WWN runs you through some of the understandable and acceptable reactions you are more than entitled to have:

1) Beginning a rigorous training regime that is required to make swimming to New Zealand possible.

2) Enrolling in the guards to ensure you can attend as many house parties as you like

3) Find the nearest washing machine, open the door, place your head inside, have a good scream.

4) Buying 100,000 more pins for your coalition government voodoo doll.

5) Constructing a wingsuit out of pigeon feathers in a bid to leap off your roof and soar majestically away from this nonsense.

6) Watching your copy of Groundhog Day on DVD on repeat to escape this repetitive neverending hell.

7) Begin swearing, only stopping when you collapse from exhaustion.

8) Briefly considering going ‘full Netherlands’ and holding a one-person balls to the wall anti-lockdown riot.

9) Fuck it, you’re having takeaway tonight!

10) Going for a very angry walk but within 5km, full of purposeful and excessively aggressive strides.

11) Resigning yourself to the fact that whatever pants and underwear you happen to be wearing now will remain on your body, unchanged, until March 5th. Also mentally preparing yourself for the fact Level 5 is going to last after March 5th.

12) Running out and licking every pedestrian crossing button you can find out of pure spite

13) Applying for a job in a meat factory to get a bit of freedom into your life.

14) Laugh that laugh that starts out horribly empty sounding and then grows into a mania that should get you through the day.

15) Apply for a job at RTÉ and then subsequently quit immediately, so that you can have a nice going-away party that nobody will complain about

One unacceptable reaction however is Tánaiste Leo Varadkar calling mandatory quarantining in hotels for incoming travellers ‘detention centres’ but thinking Direct Provision centres are some sort of Disneyland that don’t deserve the ‘detention centre’ description.