World Counting On Biden Not Dying For At Least Another Fortnight


LEADERS from around the world have pledged warm blankets, chicken soup recipes, Covid face-masks and echinacea oils to president-elect Joe Biden and whatever else it takes to keep him safe and well until January the 20th when he can be sworn in as the 46th president of the United States.

“Are you well Joe, are you getting enough rest, are you getting enough Omega-3?” asked Mexican president Andrés Manuel López Obrador in a phone call yesterday, keen to see cross-border relations return to some form or normality after Donald Trump leaves office. “Anything you need Joe, give me a shout!”.

The concerns around Biden has grown as sitting president Donald Trump was embroiled in his 789th-but-not-last presidential scandal, where he was heard on the phone to the Georgia secretary of state asking if he could ‘find 11,780 votes’ to overturn his defeat in the state.

“If Biden dies in the morning, Kamala Harris becomes president elect but who needs that hassle? explained one political commentator, ticking off the seconds left of Trump’s term.

“We want this to be nice and clean, and not have Trump calling for a do-over because Biden couldn’t  make it up the steps without keeling over. And you just know a lot of his followers would believe him and it’d be a whole thing and ah jeez, Joe, if you’re listening, just stay with us buddy, for a few more days”.

Elsewhere, Democrats have rounded up as many members as they can who share Biden’s blood type, just in case the 78-year-old ‘needs a top-up’ before the big day.