Stand Off As Sister’s New Boyfriend Brings Box Of Heroes Into Roses Household


A TENSE scene which resembled the most shouty parts of Eastenders’ Christmas episodes unfolded in the home of the Downlin family in Waterford, as the violently patriotic family, loyal to the Roses Christmas tin, were presented with a box of Heroes by eldest daughter Aoife’s new boyfriend, Tom.

“Get that scumbag out of my house, now,” roared Dowlin matriarch Angela as she was restrained from scratching the eyes out of the man responsible for gravely insulting her family.

“Mam, stop. Calm down, Tom didn’t know, I should have said,” pleaded Aoife as furniture was being thrown around the room.

“I wouldn’t feed that shite to the Farrellys next door, and I hate them pricks,” added Angela, suddenly feeling lightheaded from the shock and anger.

Chocolate tin related violence remains on the rise in Ireland, as families take deep offense to being gifted tins they believe to be ‘heaps of white’.

“He’s lucky he didn’t bring over Quality Street or he’d be eating through a fucking straw,” barked Aoife’s younger brother James (6).

Tom, now cowering in the corner only made things worse when he pleaded for forgiveness and understanding, remarking “but Heroes are Cadbury’s just like Roses, at least they don’t have the strawberry abomination” unaware the strawberry ones were Aoife’s father’s favourite.

“Tom, I think you should leave,” David, Downlin father, said in a hushed tone full of hurt and disappointment.

“I’m sure you’re a nice lad, but there’s some things a family just can’t be expected to forgive and get over,” added David slamming the door in Tom’s face before opening the door again only to throw the Heroes out too.