Min. For Health Confirms ‘Vaccine Cert’ Will Be As Easy To Copy As Garda Age Card


ANY potential ‘vaccine cert’ which people can carry on their person in Ireland that would permit them to avail of and do things non-vaccinated people cannot will be reassuringly easy to forge, the Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly has said.

Modeled on the Garda Age Card, the vaccine cert will be an easily copied and altered form of identification which will allow a person to gain entry to various things before slyly passing the same cert back in the queue to their friend.

“You just get one of your mate’s bigger brothers who’s turned ‘vaccine certified’ to give you their cert and copy it,” confirmed one person with knowledge on the certs, which could be required by airlines and other businesses and premises.

Already, a shadowy network of vaccine cert forgers have sprung up much like the great fake Garda Age card boom of the mid to late 2000s.

“I’ll do you one for 20 quid, but don’t go telling everyone about it, I can only do a few off each real vaccine cert or else the guards will cop on,” shared one forger, adding that it is already hard for production to meet the significant demand.

Those desperate to secure a dodgy cert have been forced to use less reliable experts in the field of identification replication.

“Alright, yeah fair enough I did this one in crayon but think about it if these cert checkers are anything like nightclub bouncers they probably won’t give a fuck and they’ll just wave you on,” shared one forger who had accidentally glued his fingers together as part of an attempt to make copies of a cert.

Elsewhere, the government has confirmed that the contract for the establishment of such a system will go to an unsuitable bidder with little or no relevant expertise that will excel at finding ‘unforeseen costs’.