Here’s Who’s Getting The Vaccine First In Ireland
THE GOVERNMENT announced today the full list and order of people who will be receiving the Covid-19 vaccine whenever the EU gets around to giving it the responsible Germanic thumbs up.
Read on to find out if you’ll be first in line:
First to get the vaccine are over 65s in nursing homes.
Followed by:
– All children who appeared on the Late Late Toy Show at any point in its history.
– Friends and families of government TDs, and sure look it, say nothing – good honest developers and bankers can’t be expected to queue with the rest of the plebs, can they?
– Enya. She must be protected at all costs.
– Any upstanding GAA lads on a county panel.
– The vulnerable*
*this also includes any middle class couples who simply can’t be expected to wait when they’ve a skiing holiday booked for the end of January.
– Front line workers. Not student nurses though, as we’ve learned recently they’re not doing any real work worth paying them for, so hardly worth jabbing them in the arm.
– Michael D Higgins’ remaining dogs.
– Anyone who completes their 468-page online ‘Why I Deserve It’ form on the HSE’s website.
– Anyone who has a debilitating fear of needles but have to agree to have it live streamed for everyone else’s sadistic pleasure.
– That one kid in senior infants who constantly has snot pouring out of his nose and is a super spreader waiting to happen.
– 18-55 year olds named Sean, Aoife, Niamh or Darragh. The government has decided pure Irish names must be preserved before those with ‘notions-drenched American sounding names’.
– Lads who have stated “I’m not sticking anything in my arms” who had no problem traveling to Thailand for 3 weeks of paying strangers for unprotected sex.
– Coke snorting vegans who are ‘on the fence’ about the chemicals contained in the vaccine.
– Teachers.