Nation Fully Supports Localised Lockdowns To Suppress Covid-19 As Long As It Doesn’t Affect Them


PUTTING on their best ‘now’s the time to think of the collective not the individual’ faces, the Irish public have largely backed the move for the recently announced localised lockdowns, however, with the proviso that if the government even thinks of including their town, village, county or city in one “they can take a running jump onto a rusty fucking spike”.

“Oh you poor lambs, your town has my admiration and respect. Honour these restrictions and be the heroes Ireland needs,” confirmed one Irish person condescendingly addressing the affected towns, who knew full well she would be swinging punches and wailing like a demented banshee if anyone tried to restrict her movements once more.

Confirming the lockdown, the government stated that all affected towns would be awarded ‘leper colonies’ status and to think of it ‘like of Tidy Towns award sort of thing’.

“You know we’d do the same in a heartbeat. Aw stop, we all know the government is like a bee hive stuffed full of eejits but on this occasion I think you have to accept they’ve your best interests at heart,” shared another town placing their understanding hand on their sympathetic heart, a gesture which was about as genuine as Kim Kardashian’s arse.

Responding to condemnation of the ongoing clusters emerging from meat factories, and how a lockdown may not have been required in the first place if worker’s safety was taken seriously, Irish people from towns not subject to new restrictions stated:

“Look, now’s not the time to play the blame game, does that really help anyone? Now’s the time for you lot to fuck off back inside your houses and leave us lot Covid-19 free, thanks”.